Wednesday, January 6th, 1982

Interviews with Mrs. Ybor

at Wisdom's Goldenrod, Hector, NY

January 6b, 1982 (includes 0106–9, 0120–21, 0127–28)

TOPIC: Mrs. Ybor Interview

SUBJECT: Mystical Experience

CONTENTS:

Session 1: January 6th

Initial mystical ascension and union with divine spirit

Light waves from magnetic pole

Golden globe with whirling motion

Encounter with intense white illumination

Death-like state and void experiences

Appearance of golden figures and sparkling phenomena

Session 2: January 7th

Union with animating spirit seeking its source

Presence of holy one in white light

Request to see divine countenance

Light from North Pole and head illumination

Experience of current through spinal cord

Reference to Norse deity name "Nór" (the thin one/needle)

Experience of death and becoming light power

Golden and bluish light phenomena

Eight rings/whirling motions; reaching the ninth

References to Odin's ring and ninth night

Session 3: January 8th

Morning vision of white light vehicle with two wheels

Union with holy one, experience of joy and felicity

Formation of pyramid through whirling motions/ascending rings

Self-identification as "Arktos" (from Norse mythology)

Encounter with Pole Star presence

Death experience: "The one who sees Jehovah shall die"

Sweet breeze and ascension to Empyrium

Universal white light and oneness experience

Sweet breeze from West

Session 4: January 9th

Union with clear void and divine breath

Experience of bliss leading to tears

Discovery of Pole Star within head

Golden rod shooting downward

Head falling away, body becoming light

Alteration between white and golden light

Head appearing in middle of void

Session 5: January 20th

Immediate bliss developing into love

Supreme intelligence sending current in widening circles

Painful progression through eight circles

Upper heaven descending into heart/self

Experience of deity breathing animating principle into subject

Second meditation with supreme bliss

Holy one depositing essence and abdicating power; "I became it"

Light manifestation in heart

Formation of rings around head (eight expanding rings)

String of fiery light ascending to infinitude

Reference to "thin one" or "needle" deity

Magnetic pole as center of supreme power

Session 6: January 21st (part 1)

Immediate attainment of bliss and samadhi

Ecstasies of love with Supreme One

Divine conferring of "love of thought" in mind

Consciousness as love thoughts filling infinite space

Experience of creating/filling space with love emanation

Session 7: January 21st (part 2)

Union of void and spirit divine

Divine communication from Supreme Holy One; marriage to Eros and creation of beauty

Identity as God and mind of God

Journey to magnetic pole and Pole Star

Session 8: January 27th

Experience of brilliant light from eyes

Recognition as principle of love

Physical sensation of mind/head top being removed

Appearance of beautiful canopy placing something on head; anointing experience with light

Ascension through portals toward divine throne

AD's explanation of sense organs becoming organs of light

Discussion of intellect being replaced with divine understanding

Experience of black drop descending into head

Session 9: January 28th

Breathing exercise reaching higher void levels

Fear of intense white light representing activity; desire for pure spirit without light

Identification with supreme stillness and holiness

Continued ascension after identifying with spirit

NOTES:

• This is 1982 01/06b (includes 0106–9, 0120–21, 0127–28), Mrs. Ybor Interview; Mystical Experience, and the second entry associated with this date. 1982 01/06a = Hinduism; KCB Class.

• Parts of this tape were played in the 1/30/82 Alchemy class, where Mrs. Ybor's experiences were discussed in the context of alchemy and the development of the man of light. AD comments after the tape is played: "These tapes I'm preserving, I'm going to edit them, I'm going to edit everything– all my comments I'm going to edit out. But I want to preserve the tapes for the library. It's an actual living experience and they deserve to be taped. I will edit out all my comments because very often, like I said, I had to say things, they were like medicinal lies not to discourage her, to make her feel she was getting closer and closer, you know. So I had to do that but now she understands these things so–" It appears that this editing never took place.

• Biographical sketch: Mrs. Ybor was born to a successful shipping magnate in Oslo, Norway, in the very late nineteenth century or the early twentieth century. As a young person, she skied in the mountains of Norway—no trails in those days—so imagine how beautiful it was! She said that it was while skiing alone in the mountains that she had her first mystical experiences—great exalted states. She married Edward R. Martinez Ybor, an heir to the founder of Ybor City near Tampa, Florida, and at the outbreak of the Second World War, they relocated to Ithaca, NY, because Cornell University had the largest collection of ancient Norse literature in North America, which she had a deep interest in. When Mrs. Ybor lost her beloved husband, she experienced such deep grief that she was inwardly catapulted into profound mystical states. Anna Prim introduced her to Anthony Damiani, so he could help her understand these experiences. She later sold her home in Ithaca, and at Anthony's request, Andrew Holmes designed, and many in the Wisdom's Goldenrod community helped build, a house for her on the grounds of Wisdom's Goldenrod. Once she moved in, she was able to have significantly more personal time with Anthony; they often met daily. Her mystical experiences continued through the years, almost until the time of her death. Anthony thought it was important that there be a record of her experiences to share with his students, so he taped some interviews with her in which he tried to help her understand more philosophically what she was experiencing.

TRANSCRIBED Verbatim by LCB, IT 2025. Archival verbatim transcript – V11a.

AUDIO FILES: 1982 0106c (formerly 1981 0725d). [Note 1: "Tape" and "Side" refer to original audio cassette tapes that were later digitized into .MP3 Audio Files. Note 2: The audio file cuts off while Mrs. Ybor is talking so it is possible we are missing one or more audio files for this series of interviews.]

1982 01/06b (includes 0106–9, 0120–21, 0127–28) INTERVIEWS at Wisdom's Goldenrod

Mrs. Ybor Interview; Mystical Experience

[Audio File 1982 0106c (formerly 1981 0725d) Begins]

Session 1: January 6th

Mrs. Ybor: 6th? Yeah.

AD (simultaneously): Yeah. Today's the 6th.

Mrs. Ybor: January the 6th.

AD: January 6th.

Mrs. Ybor: Yeah. In morning. Immediately, right away, I am at one with a divine spirit emanation, which brings me upward, upward, upward. I have-- And the one above the magnetic pole comes over, I brought-- I see the light waves, it bring the-- bringing it over, the light waves only. And it is a whirl. It's whirling(,) that golden globe [couple words inaudible] Then it continues higher up. And again I see the (whirl) within. And from there it shoots up a thin whirl higher up but didn't reach its final goal. Well-- well-- I stopped because I got so emotional because I knew that the one was a whirl at a-- in my language the top of heaven is a whirl. So I stopped. Yeah. Then I start again. And now I start something. It's-- I don't think I'll be able to record. Not the end, but maybe the beginning.

Again, I was brought up as-- as a pure, pure, pure spirit I was brought up, up, and again, the one came over me, the whirling. Then it went into my head and my head became the whirl. But, still, the one continued up to (it), up, up, up [short pause] higher ever been. And I was a little (void), with a glorious white illumination. It's all up heaven in a glorious, indescribable white illumination. This is not exact, my relation here. I can't-- Oh then it sends down-- from there also it sends down a whirl, connecting my head is a whirl. And now begins something. Yeah. And then from my-- from the whirl within my head, that whirl shoots down my spinal cord. Well, I'm dying. Like this morning I died completely. And during this last one, I died twice. But dying the second time, I was-- I dropped down and I was still nothing. I felt my mind but it was an empty mind. I couldn't call it the skull of my head but-- but while I was down here out of the picture, I was-- I felt my mind coming from the head coming down.

Oh and all this tremendous illumination of white all this time from-- oh, when it reached, the one reached my head, oh, it was an illumination that almost made me expire. It was just too much for a human soul to experience. That was sublimest illumination any soul ever experienced and that one came into my head. I was up to heaven.

Now, my mind-- I'm only mind now, I'm dead. It's only that mind comes down and starts illuminating the lower heaven. But-- but from here on, I can't describe what's going-- it's-- it-- There is no word what God was doing within me, shutting down my mind and-- and me beginning to illuminate this, the glory, the-- the-- My experience here is absolutely impossible to put into words. It's tremendous, it's formidable. It's super-divine, it's unbelievable that a human being is going to be the object of direct action from the Supreme Power. I was direct [one/two words inaudible] action of the Supreme Power for-- for one full hour. [17¾ second pause] Then, I was illuminating the lower heaven, that white light. Oh, that was the end of it. But-- but it wasn't an empty void yet. Oh, marvelous things happened down there. Extraordinary appearances of-- of a golden-- the golden figures up there, golden figures down there. But it was mostly-- it was a white-- white-- it was whitish but then an incredibly beautiful new kind imagination came from my right. It was-- my void was filled with sparkling, sparkling, oh, it was all sparkling. I almost lost my senses, it was too beautiful, too [one word inaudible]

It came from the right. The void was full of billions and billions and it started to fill that empty void. They changed and a new phenomenas. But no more-- no more light, see I-- I was out of my mind completely during all this. It was God that was operating and his operations you cannot relate (about, that--) But, at one moment it was clear void, but then start again other illuminations, different. It was-- it was activity in that huge void but-- but I ended up in a-- in a immeasurable void larger than ever, transparent like it is now in front of my eyes, but I-- close it [one word inaudible] I can't go on.

[tape break]

How awesome. It was-- up there it was glorious, it was beautiful, but so overpowering my-- my senses, my-- my sensitivity. It was awesome and that is the word, (vee, vee) [one word inaudible] (vee, vee). It was-- if-- that I first-- Before this great illumination I felt the divinity present. It was awesome, awesome. It was all and down in the void also. It was still there, it came to me again while I was in the void. It came that Supreme Deity and I lost (the act), my heart couldn't beat fast, yeah.

[tape break]

Session 2: January 7th

AD (faint): I'm sorry, please continue.

Mrs. Ybor: Yeah the January 7th. Now, again, like yesterday, I'm-- I'm immediately one with that animating spirit or principle. And immediately, its essence is rising, seeking its source. And up I go. Oh, let me try to remember. It was beautiful. I reached up there, oh and then-- [short pause] Again I felt the presence of the holy one. And it involves me and all. It's extremely solid and white light appears, it's all white light. And it's nothing but that holy one, there's no spirit. Oh yes, that's-- then I feel this spirit coming up through me. The moment I am united with the holy one, it's at the silence. That's the source. I-- the spirit has reached its source. And at the same time, immediately, and this is-- has been repeated, I'm expanding from in the upper head. The moment union has taken place, I (found) the upper heaven. And it stayed, I staying like that in this solemn stillness and sanctity just surrounded by that white light for quite some time.

So finally, I ask, "Am I to see thy holy countenance?" I ask. Because I was still rising, I was still rising. Still rising much higher, and that is when I ask. So now I want to see that holy countenance. Yeah. Light came from the North Pole again, light came, not strong. It centers above my head, and then illuminates the upper heaven partially with intense light. But immediately, right away, it comes down into my head, and then a tremendous intense illumination of the upper void. No, now-- now it illuminates the roof of heaven up there. It lifts it and illuminates it. And it illuminates also a lower heaven, it's still-- Because it comes down to my heart a moment and then up to my head and it stays here. And it-- the maximum of light-heat a human being could stand for it was so intense. Then, the one from the pole that was above my head is moving. Yesterday it moved from my head or from the top of my head to the right and-- but today, it moved straight up from above my head, and up and up and up. Oh, so high. I lost my breath, it was-- That was really good (whirl/world) again. [one word inaudible]

AD (faint): Mrs. Ybor?

Mrs. Ybor: And it comes-- comes down like yesterday, it rolls down a thin thread. I couldn't even see it, I could just feel the whirling, whirling, whirling down to my head and through the spinal cord. That undoubtedly is that mysterious name, one of the many, many name for our earliest deities in my-- that language, the thin one or the needle--Nór. It was so sacred that name, 'needle', that our great-- our [one/two words inaudible] the great chief is, the name was Nór [one word inaudible] This is certainly the thin one unites right down to my spinal cord and from the upper, upper, upper, upper zenith. Or in the meantime, when it reached my head which was also rolling, then I die away. Something falls down like yesterday. I am nothing but still I saw something out of me falling down and I am-- and I'm nothing, but-- now I'm nothing but light power. [9¼ second pause]

And I-- oh, now, the current or the-- [one/two words inaudible] (my confusion) but is come-- I'm bringing it down with me into the lower heaven. But here it stops. And I feel my mind is-- I feel suddenly I have a mind that open up and I'm just the void. But not clear, it's-- all this under the most glorious illumination. But the whiteness stayed up there. The beautiful whiteness stayed up, but then it came-- became golden, like golden, and down here also golden and different shapes. It's all in the marvelous illumination. And now this void is illuminated. Now during the first meditation, while I was waiting for the-- now I felt I was just mind because I-- the mind suddenly made itself felt. It opened up and then disappeared.

I expected now this mind would be quiet and still and-- and without any light, just clear. Then from the left, I see a huge circle of bluish light or-- coming in and filling the void, and became-- Oh, I also forgot to tell you that when-- when I was up there and waiting to see the countenance of the deity, then the light came from the North Pole, but this time it was bringing with it a-- I can call-- I never know exactly how to call those masses. Very light, light masses of light gold came along with that light. And also the deity, after a long time having been in that invis-- with that invisible wholeness, it came down first. It made its appearance, if you can use that. And that's a repeated experience.

When the wholeness comes down, it doesn't-- it isn't completely visible, it comes down in a kind of air of dark red, but very lightly dark red, I mean it's different for all the rest of the atmosphere. And now this golden mass comes also down with the deity and now it comes down, down, down into my void too. And there it is the bliss. Light gold. Light gold. And this big circle of blue light invades and chases everything away, and-- and I feel now I'm nothing but-- nothing but mind, no thoughts, nothing. But I'm so-- I'm almost-- I can't anymore, so I'm stuck.

[tape break]

There's a difference but here, when I start again, if I am right up again with the holiness but there's much less white light. And I die away. Again I feel the current there, it was the same this morning. Then the current up to the-- to the infinite. And then, I feel the current coming down into my-- into the whirl of my head, and then down again like this morning.

But the void this time didn't remain clear either because I wasn't completely opposed. I was even tired when I started. So I think I did not-- oh yes, I did a-- it did clear up into a pure void and I think I was pure mind again. But I-- I felt I was too tired. Now-- [tape break] See, recorded, but I can't remember so-- so back now.

AD (faint): Well how could you remember [one/two words inaudible]

[short pause]

Mrs. Ybor: I was in a-- completely absorbed by the holy one, my mind-- [short pause] And I walk up again, the-- the one up there it comes down into myself. Up again. [short pause] But, I begin-- I was just the holy one, it was all holy, holy and with myself. We brought I think and down again, down again. Then again begins the whirling around me. I reach the eighth again and same chaotic feeling up there [one/two words inaudible]

But from there I'm brought higher up. And then starts another whirling up above me, that's the second time this month. It was up, up. I don't count it, it's exhausting. Tremendously exhausting. I was just wondering, Odin, I thought I was going to reach the ninth because I-- oh I was brought up so high that that-- that those next eight rings brings you up, I thought that would be the ninth, which is the end all. But it's the eight rings, and again, what happened up there I don't remember. I only thought of that. Oh, the ring of Odin definitely different every ninth night. But this is eight rings equal to the first ones. That can't possibly be. And I think it will continue. If I resisted, I think it would continue whirling still up higher. I just abandoned it, I couldn't.

That's the second time, after finishing the eight here, and I'm lifted up, I think I want to reach the ninth, whatever that is. But no, new whirling, but larger, (but larger), I did the same. But can the ring of Odin mean that every ninth night it goes up in that one?

AD (very faint): Yes, you can.

Mrs. Ybor: But it ended. It ended beautifully though. Oh I didn't tell you this time when I started going down here and the second time, now I know it's true what I'm telling you. That power, that örk, which means a coppery case or a ship, it comes from the word 'urga', urge. It's a tremendous power. Usually it's accorded to the wind. Örka means ark. And they say-- talk about the runes. The gods, they-- they örka, they-- they want a superhuman power that brings the ark. That ark is a power that came from the magnetic pole down into my heart. After the one had settled here, after the one from above came down here, came that power which made me feel I was nailed in. And that's the second time I got experience that this is a-- it's from there that this-- this Arktos begins running around, but it's driven by this (way/weight), it always comes in a form of a square. That is the ark that drives me around, around, around, around. [short pause]

But leaving that, it was all beautiful. The veil again, oh it was beautiful and I felt, oh it was a beautiful experience. That, oh-- that I can't describe it. The holy one, I'm with the holy one, is really no light as far as I can remember. But now, oh, it turned, oh, and after finishing the eight rings and I was ascending, it started by-- that's also second time it happened. Before starting the second pyramid of that, it-- I'm expanded in white light. Oh, tremendous. (Indebted) on both sides, I'm-- I'm white light, extending, extending, extending, and then starts the second whirling like that.

Now also coming down, I am the holy one, but the holy one has turned into white light. I become now just that white clear light and I feel I'm empty. Of course my mind, yeah, in the middle of that whiteness, it's empty. I'm empty. Only I feel my mind-- my mind extending. And then if-- and then, [short pause] I was pure mind. It was very abrupt. It was choking me because I was not pure mind, it was beautiful white light, but it (grew) infinity, it was too vast to be in my mind, it-- So I stopped. I was nothing. I was a little bit conscious that I was the pure spirit [couple words inaudible] Now I had the power of myself. And that-- that became a mental power of the pure spirit and myself. (It's this) [one inaudible Norwegian word] comes from [one inaudible Norwegian word] It's the-- it comes from the magnetic power. It is me, it's me. And it's that magnetic power in me that is mental power to the pure mind. That was my intuition.

And I came out of the [couple words inaudible] pure mind was my mind was empty completely. But it came down here and it emptied itself and it was all beautiful [few words inaudible] It's not very clear, is it?

There's once-- that's three times now that I am unified, I am conscious of being, of being the Supreme.

AD (very faint): Yeah.

Mrs. Ybor: And that this is the power, (came from) my [one word inaudible] The Norwegians say came from my heart, but this is one of them. Well-- that's the clearest-- Of course the first one was the most-- the most holy. It is too much movement. Oh, it's closed.

[tape break]

Mrs. Ybor: --(until/I feel) that whirling thing [couple/three words inaudible] That is-- that is the world that is-- that is the mind in the form of-- of a triangle, of a-- or a pyramid. That is a mind. And here is Arktos coming with that mental power and creating the (world/word), because that-- I can-- I made notes there. But, I used the word, 'urga'. Yeah. I could [one word inaudible] from what I read in the book, which you don't want to show me because it confirms too much my Norse mythology, my (question). Maybe something out of the word, three sounds in one. That's what-- yes, that-- that-- that is characteristic of the word in Norwegian is 'org', three sounds in one, three-- three in one. Just everything is three in one. Alright.

[tape break]

Session 3: January 8th

AD: I better remember, I got a calendar in the car for you.

Mrs. Ybor: January the 8th. This is my second meditation, but I must say to begin with that I awoke this morning with a vision up at the zenith of a beautiful vehicle in brilliant white light, was a vehicle with two large wheels. Then the second meditation, I'm immediately at one with the holy, with the holy one. [short pause] It comes down to myself, and myself is exuberant of joy and felicity and all, it's all-- I'm all holiness in myself included and extremely happy.

Then the light waves begin to work on my left from the magnetic pole, light wave, and I begin to turn around and whirl around several times. Of course, the lower circles take-- Oh, but here also I must add that I felt myself at that moment when I started to whirl, to form again the pyramid, I felt spontaneously and that I was now Arktos, Arktos. [one/two words inaudible] the gods, they-- [couple words inaudible] are called the Ark-- Arktos, Arkto. I'm Arktos, Ark-- it's a square. Those are the four. That's my life. Surely it means life. And the three are-- is my soul. I felt it very strongly. So I went around very slowly with that-- the earliest-- the lowest rings. And as they ascended, the movement became quicker and quicker of course because the rings are smaller and smaller. Then I reached the eighth up in the whirl in my head, and the head because there's a firework up in my head, and from the whirl, a tiny-- that thin little whirl shoots up. And there I am to be in presence of the-- of the Pole Star but of-- of a light.

AD (faint): Yeah, please.

Mrs. Ybor: And that I repeated "The one who sees Jehovah shall die." And so I did. But I stayed long time up in that glorious incomparably beautiful whitish light but (it) intense to ultimate degree. That was Supreme One.

The one who sees Jehovah shall die and that it took my mind, I think it took my mind out of my head, and then I dropped down dead, down, down, down below. But I wasn't completely dead, but I wanted to be completely, and I prayed, dear-- give me death, give me death, dear God. Now [one word inaudible] dead [one word inaudible] dead. But still, I stayed there for a long time and at the darkness. And it was-- I was still conscious, I didn't-- I thought I should die completely. But when I was-- even at the end, a dark, dark shade came down through my body, down to absorb me in its darkness. And at the same time, immediately afterwards, the sweet breeze comes down. But in a color, in a-- I could see nothing except that it was rosy that breeze, that breeze brought me something rosy and brought me up, up, up, up in Empyrium. But there, was all white, beautiful white.

Then the light filled me and it was all whiteness and I was expanding, expanding. And, then it all became white, the whole universe became white. [short pause] And I felt the oneness. I was the whole universe. I was-- there was only one, one spirit. And the wind-- the wind continued roughly. (You) are two different winds, that wind during this experience now at the end. And it seems to come from me or down here, it's completely different, it's not that wavy wind that comes from the-- from the pole. It comes always from the West. This comes from myself or from the holy one. And it's-- it's the sweetest breeze, has got no wavy movement, it's just sweet breeze. Imagine that's a emanation of the holy one. And now I feel myself at one, just one, one, holy one, one spirit [one word inaudible] Then--

[15 second pause followed by tape break]

Now, I cannot recall, only at the end [short pause] I felt, I thought I-- [short pause] I don't know, only felt that now I was pure mind. And then the-- then the whiteness left and it became transparent. And I finished with the whole world with gloriously transparent, beautiful, beautiful, transparent light and I came down.

[tape break]

Session 4: January 9th

Mrs. Ybor: January 9th in the morning. As usual, I am at one with the void, the void is within me, but very promptly it became pure. Because the void hitherto hasn't been empty. I felt it was the breath of the divine within me, but now it was clear. The void and me we've had one very clear, beautiful void. And I begin to feel a bliss that made me weep. I knew now that I was deeply the very emanating spirit (and a) principle of life, I was that. And it made me weep, and I weep, I wept and I was thankful and I thought it was all goodness and all love and I was-- and the void opened up and it was all not quite clear but it was beautiful. And, I was just-- it was just one deity and that was me, it was all goodness, all perfection, all beautiful, it was-- but then I'm lifted up. I'm lifted up to the one. I feel that late that it comes from the northwest again.

But I don't see, I feel the presence of the one, I call it our North Pole star I say, or venerable God of my fathers and I-- I was there in adoration in front of this invisible Pole Star because I knew it was-- Pole Star had already appeared in my head several times. But then I see that the-- I discovered the Pole Star is in my head. Then, from my head shoots straight down, plumb-- plumb right or vertically straight down a golden rod, down, down, down, even below me. And I look up and I've got no head.

Oh no I-- no, I see the head falling down to my left, up and down there. Now it begins differently. There I am all illuminated. That the body-- I am all strong light me. Suddenly I got a body, and that is all light. And apart from the void, the void is now apart from me. But it was not a triangle. It was all gold and light. But then I suddenly turned all white. White light absorbs me, and-- and I'm all white. [11¼ second pause]

But uh-- I remain like that. Now, golden light again, the white light didn't remain with me. I was white light for a while but then this golden light remained in the power. But having no shape it was just my body that was illuminate in that golden strong light and here was the void and now-- but now it clears up the void. It widens out, widens out. And I see in the middle of that void my head.

[9½ second pause followed by tape break]

Session 5: January 20th

This was (wrong), January 20th from 5:30 to 7 in the morning. Immediately I'm in bliss, and the bliss develops to love. I can't recall, I felt the wind. But, I must have had some wind from the magnetic pole because I'm now drawn up to the magnetic pole. And I-- it came the idea to me: this is the Supreme Intelligence, which now sends out, well, shall we call it a current, that turns around me in ever-widening circles.

The seventh becomes very painful. But when you start on the eighth, it becomes almost intolerably painful and awful, awful, and awfully slow it passed around. It went around, but it did not complete the circle. And did not return up to the magnetic pole, but into me, into myself, where it ends up in-- into a-- in a tiny and slow whirl, whirl, eddy in me, not in the head like yesterday. Yesterday it went into the head and turned and produced a whirl there causing a lot of pain in the face. Today, it-- the whirl was produced within my heart or within myself. [short pause] And all through stillness. Solemn stillness follows. It was as though the whole upper heaven, which was darksome, not light, descends into me.

(Side 1 of original cassette tape digitized as 1982 0106c (formerly 1981 0725d) Ends; Side 2 Begins)

Mrs. Ybor: [couple words inaudible] is empty.

AD: Yeah, ok, that's--

Mrs. Ybor: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, oh-- Yeah, I was (ascent) from the universe. I also said that I am awareness that, you know, we should-- which means I'm the truth. [short pause] Well then it's something stranger, I-- Well I just have to express what I felt. I felt that It, the holy one, now began actually breathing into me its-- its animating principle into myself. [short pause] I felt it so distinctly that I have to express my-- that experience. Because breathing into me is animating principle. And, whenever I myself starts breathing out that same rhythmic principle downward. [12¾ second pause]

Well I-- well, this is very-- a cold and very short version of something. It was so awe-inspiring, so overwhelming, that I simply couldn't. I couldn't-- Well, it was opening up to kind of a void I think, but I just couldn't take anymore. So I went to bed to sleep again, and I started once more. And that was still-- oh, that was much more holy. The second meditation, I can't remember much. [11 second pause]

I'm immediately bliss. But, you know, I try to keep down the feeling of love because I notice that love means activity and I didn't want any activity so I just stayed in that bliss and it was a marvelous, supreme bliss. I stayed for a long time and it filled the whole universe, that bliss that I felt was a bliss of the whole universe.

And-- then again the holy one comes down to me and stays a long time. But I say again it won't-- but this time it did really-- (laughs) not two words but this-- it was simply depositing its essence into me. It sort of abdicated its power. I became it. Now-- [short pause] Into myself. I'm saying now-- now in (dream), I become alive. [21¾ second pause] I can't remember any more from that meditation, it was--

This last one has been so tremendous. [short pause] But I remain holy after that meditation. But I had to rest for a long time and sit down. Oh I must say though that today, the holy one manifests itself in me with a-- with a little illumination, it light just in me. It's not invisible like the other times. That was-- It came as light and deposit its light, that it was his light in my heart, I could see it. And again the same thing happens. [10¾ second pause] And then it-- well, of course I'm in bliss, but then when the one, I feel [one word inaudible] its essence, then it descends into, yeah, it has been hard-- but (not/now) from the head-- from the heart, this light goes up to the head. [17¾ second pause]

Well, then what happened? A light appeared above now again, the one, (and/on) my head. I was brought up to that light, I couldn't see the center of the one (above). It was only that intense light I know so well. I come up there alone because I feel it's, again, a light current or a fire current or like a string of firelight shooting down from the one into my head. [12 second pause] This I'm not sure of. I have a faint memory of something dark. Little, little piece of it was brought up from me up to that One. Of that I am not sure, just saw something going up. Well I-- [17 second pause]

I think I'm jumping now. [short pause] I'm not-- I'm not up yet I think. Try to pardon my-- But it was when the light reached the head with the one, this is a faint light, a new-- a new manifestation, a faint little holy light that the-- the one itself deposited in my heart and then went up to the head. Then, I see a ring, or feel a ring was formed around my head, and followed by seven more rings, widening out from my head. From my head and upward, wider and wider, I reached the seventh, it was extremely painful. And these are very wide now. I reached eight, something big happened after a great activity, it was terrible, terrible.

And then that light up there. [short pause] I don't remember if that current of light had already come down to my head from the one above but now, reaching it up there now from the top, the very summit of heaven, the eighth reached the very summit. [couple words inaudible] that light-- no, it was then that it shot down light, it shot down light down though me. It shot it, it was like a shot. I could see the shot falling down to my-- to my head of course.

Then up there it continues. Now I'm carried on upward, but as a string of-- string of fiery light. And upward, always as a string, a thin string of fiery light, up and up and up. I say the eighth, it's-- that is the principle. I could see nothing because only infinitude. But I felt that was the principle, that was the cause of causes. But like only-- I was only aware of infinitude, infinitude. But carrying a string with it all the time. And it finished as a string and I was wondering if that is what our mythology refers to, that one of the most ancient deities, the name was the thin one, or the needle. It finished as a string of light continue into infinitude. That must be what they call the thin one or the needle. And I had all the time that [one/two words inaudible] that was at the magnetic pole where is the center. That is the center of the power, it's-- Isn't that the first cause? The way it was drawing up, you see, I felt that so strongly because I was so happy here, now I was God, God had deposited himself in my heart and there's now love, you are [one word inaudible] I become life in the effort, and then I'm drawn up irresistibly. It's the magnetic pole! The Supreme Power, the ultimate power.

AD: What color was that string of light, Mrs. Ybor, remember?

Mrs. Ybor: Yellow red.

AD: Yellow red?

[9¼ second pause]

Mrs.Ybor: Oh then-- oh now, now the white or this brilliant white, bril-- Oh I-- I've got such bad memory because I did all this with a terrible headache. I tried to ignore it. But coming down again I was-- I was just, oh I told you, I suppose, that my mind had become already the void. The whole universe was my mind, it opened up. I was already pure mind when I was brought up there. Coming down again it was a bri-- first a brilliant void of light and then it cleared up and clearer and clearer. And I finished in a clear void, but so tired and so fatigued that I couldn't observe anymore but I came out and I stayed long time down here also in a pure void, in a pure light. It-- it has gone now, I'm no more God.

AD: When you--

[tape break]

Session 6: January 21st (part 1)

Mrs. Ybor: This, uh, yeah, it's the 21st of January, it was from-- from 8 to 10 this morning. I-- I attained bliss almost immediately, a marvelous bliss. And it lasted and-- well, I was just that. As usual I'm-- and immediately absolute samadhi, I'm-- I'm just identified with bliss and love. And in that fully I was brought up to the one above, oh, higher up and all the bliss increased into a furious love and I was in ecstasies of love. Then the holy one made its appearance up there. I-- I've-- I have been aware of it down in my heart quite often. But now it was up there, oh it was beautiful, I was with the Supreme One, it was holy, holy, holy.

Then that light brought me down to the heart, then up to the head, and then straight up again. My mind was brought up there. My head was up there now with the one and something divine happened. I just felt that that unseen Supreme One was conferring within my mind the love of thought. And as the love of thought, I came down and-- and the void opened up. And I was conscious of just being the love thoughts.

Just you call it mind. I became the thought of that love. That was my mind came down and the whole universe opened. But it was not the universe I was creating, but I was feeling that space with the thought of love. But there was no universe, there was no limit, it was infinitude all around me. So I suppose I was also to create, or to limit this infinitude to the world but I didn't reach that, I remained-- I will remain infinitude, and it was all love, it was my thought that filled the whole space with that emanation of love. And-- and the space was beautiful and clear. It was just all my thought of love, that feeling-- and at that I came down because I was so tired again now.

[tape break]

Session 7: January 21st (part 2)

Mrs. Ybor: I'm-- I'm still not-- not normalized though. It finished, the last meditation, and from one to quarter of three. Since then I've been waiting for my guru and I'm still not, as they say in French [few French words]. I'm not quite down to earth yet. I was immediately, but that marvelous inundation that I call it the current or the spirit came down, filled me with the same marvels that fills the void. So we became just one, the void, and we were just the spirit divine.

And, that spirit wants to reach its source. So up I was raised, up, up, up there, oh, very far up. The one appeared in light again, a phenomenal strong light. It soon went down to my head and the head became the center of-- of a universal illumination. Now, something happened. I can't-- well-- well maybe you will believe it but no one else but-- That supreme holy one came down, came down to me. [9 second pause followed by tape break] And spoke to me. I don't re-- want to repeat his words. Nobody wants to believe me.

AD: Please, please.

Mrs. Ybor. No.

AD: We're not interested in others.

[11¾ second pause]

Mrs. Ybor: I said first, "You are my real father." And he says, "Yes, you're my daughter. And I married you to Eros. He loves you. Create my thoughts in the form of beauty most appealing to all." [short pause] Gives a [few words inaudible] in the form of beauty. Because beauty and love is one and the same thing. Then the light, the one came down to my heart. I said, "Well then I am God." [short pause] I am.

And after a while, the-- my head came down and opened up to-- Well the void was alrea-- was already opening up. But then my-- my head came down and my mind was filled with a void and-- and I became the mind of God. [short pause]

But then you see, what confused this-- me was now I've been with the supreme deity and I-- lifted me its other power of truth. I'm brought up to the magnetic pole and up, up, up, up. I didn't see it but I knew I reached the Pole Star. It was a light. Oh. Oh it's such a penetrating force, I don't-- I don't see how God permits. See this is more than I can stand. (sniffs) But then I was brought back again into myself. But now myself didn't exist. (It was) just the void, immense, just immense void, beautiful, beautiful. I think it was turning clear, but now I couldn't any--

[tape break]

Session 8: January 27th

AD: 27th

Mrs. Ybor: 27th, January 27th. It was a certain meditation [one word inaudible] more than two hours and a half. I was again-- Well, I'm-- now I'm brought up right away by the Holy Spirit. I'm at one with the whole-- the whole universe is-- is just spirit and I am that spiritual universe that I called spirit, the void, yeah. And I'm in exuberance of love and bliss, bliss and love, love and bliss. And high up there, high up there. Then something happened. I almost fainted. A light appeared close, close to my head up there, but to the left. But so strong I almost fainted. It was-- it came from my eyes. It shot out from my eyes. And then but-- then a light also from (above) came. And-- and that-- that one approached more and more and finally it entered me. And those rays was-- shot right up and filled my body. This is beyond human capacity of feeling almost. But it was so whole that I was weeping. I said, this must be the principle of love that comes from it, from high high above that I came down (and--) So this is a principle of that. I was weeping, I was so happy, it was-- but so terrifying, that light, that I continue for a long time. I never, never experienced such brilliancy of light. It was whitish. It wasn't all white, it was silvery white all just [one word inaudible] [short pause]

And this last for a long time I was in that light. And I was really dead, I said this is a principle of love. It's the principle of love. But, then what happened? A power came down from-- I don't know from where, a very strong-- and just lifted out the upper part of my head, took away my mind. It was-- I felt it. Physically I felt thoughts. It was a strong power [couple words inaudible] of taking away the top of my head or mind.

Then-- [19¼ second pause] Then above me was a rosette or a indescribably beautiful canopy. And it sent down something and placed on top of my head. And I felt my-- my [couple words inaudible] Well, as I was all in fervor of love I thought right now-- I mean I'm [one word inaudible] goddess of love. But it wasn't oily. The first time I felt I was anointed, it came in a form of light on top of the head. But this time I don't-- it was something else placed. But it came from that beautiful canopy. So I thought I was anointed.

Then, I'm lifted up. Power lifts me up actually. Now I'm going to be seated on the throne of God as I was told. I was lifted up, up, up [S: Right.] in heaven. And from a portal, beautiful [couple words inaudible] different portal over that. (I went) over that. I went through it and up, and higher up another portal and it felt (all over that) [couple words inaudible] but it was-- And I-- But I didn't reach any throne. Didn't reach any throne. [short pause] Still, I thought I was now goddess of love. The-- I was still in tremendous illumination from above. It was a moment that saw a globe not irradiating, and it disappeared.

And then what happened? I came down, oh, another beautiful illumination of a void, oh, it was-- oh, it was blessed and magnificent. It was a rusty red, it was-- oh it was filling the whole universe I thought. Then I passed out. [short pause] When I came to, I was down below here, and there another strange light came, enveloped me. Then it formed a-- shapes and I've seen so often high up at the top of the heavens but now it was down below that like a net rounded with big, very big meshes. I don't know what else I saw, but that was activity and there was no clear void. And I was dead, so I quit. There was activity of (reformation), but I quit. But it was that experience of that that-- it lasted me, it--

I had such a promising vision earlier when I woke. A white bird in flight, higher flight. In flight toward me. But then a black spot [couple words inaudible] and-- and swallowed it up. She didn't reach me. [11¾ second pause] But it must-- what came from above must have been the principal because it made me weep. And I said now, I'm being chosen, elected [few words inaudible] [short pause] I thought that was a concept around my head, but I was out of mind I was so happy, completely out of mind. But down here I began to see things. I don't remember what kind, it was not-- not green. (And then) I saw that great-- that big net forming just above my head. And that could just [couple words inaudible] What was that?

AD: (Net/That) coming out of your eyes?

Mrs. Ybor: Yeah.

AD: Yeah, all your sense organs are becoming organs of light. They're being transformed.

Mrs. Ybor: But that shape so beautiful, so neat. [couple words inaudible] I find that it-- and the race reached the peace.

AD: Yes, with that-- with that, with that you can approach the supersensory world, but all your organs, all your sense organs, are being turned into organs made out of light. And with those organs you will perceive the supersensory world.

Mrs. Ybor: But, which was-- what was that power I-- that forcefully took away the top of my head? It was replaced by something from that-- oh, marvelously beautiful canopy. Because, I don't see it, I don't know, it was a beautiful, rounded canopy and sent down something and I felt it placed on my empty skull.

[short pause]

AD: It was placed on your empty skull?

Mrs. Ybor: Yeah, (uh-hm). You're smiling because you understand?

AD: Well, that's because the intellect was taken away from you and instead something else replaced it.

Mrs. Ybor: Something else. As of now only the Mind of God will enter there.

AD: Well, the mind of understanding. Remember you were told yesterday that these things you will understand here.

Mrs. Ybor: Yes.

AD: And--

Mrs. Ybor: But today there was no self.

AD: Yes, but you see, your intellect was taken away when you felt your head being taken away and in place of that you were given an understanding.

Mrs. Ybor: No but this time it wasn't my head, that was a strange thing. It was localized, this force was localized, just to the very top of my head.

AD: The top.

Mrs. Ybor: Yeah. Not the whole head, just the top. It was localized, I felt it like one bar. It was [one word inaudible] and replaced by something.

AD: Yes.

Mrs. Ybor: Took away my intellect that I need badly now.

AD: No, no, you will be given, you'll be given understanding. The understanding is going to be a substitute for your understanding, for the understanding that you work with.

Mrs. Ybor: But what was that-- that canopy came from?

AD: The spread out--

Mrs. Ybor: Yeah, this rounded canopy of beautiful colors, oh. Beautifully made. That-- that was-- that sent down this--

AD: That sent it down.

Mrs. Ybor: Yeah.

AD: Yeah, that's where it comes from. That understanding that you will have will be coming from that huge canopy that you saw. That's what replace-- In other words, if you think of the localized area of your head that was taken away, that corresponds to the cerebrum, you know, the cortex, the gray matter on the top. That has to be taken off and-- and re-- and that's replaced with the understanding from what you're calling that canopy that is-- was spread out.

Mrs. Ybor: Understanding is still, still far away. And also the-- during my second meditation today, oh it was-- it was all (speech) without any light. But I was so tired I had to give it up because I passed away twice. Twice. But then I was at one with the deity and I came down to my-- myself, but not passing through the mind. And then myself became-- myself became the Divine Mind, myself became the void, not the mind. And that troubled me. The mind-- the one above did not enter my head. It went straight down to the self and then the void opened up. It was clear, it was just pure mind. It was myself.

AD: And you felt it as yourself [couple words inaudible]

Mrs. Ybor (simultaneously): I know it was myself because I had no mind and I just passed out that, I mean I passed out there again. It was just so the Divine Mind is the self, not my mind. So far, I had a physical sensation that my mind went down to the void and became the void, my mind became the-- was filled with that Holy Spirit. But today, this afternoon, no, my mind didn't-- my head didn't exist. It was only myself. That is not correct?

AD: Yeah Mrs. Ybor, I'm just trying to put it together.

Mrs. Ybor: Well give me another cigarette please.

AD: Oh, sure.

Mrs. Ybor: Oh, but what illumination. I don't understand how-- and what two-- more than two hours and a half, two hours and three quarters.

AD (faint): That's important, that's a long time.

Mrs. Ybor: And I swear I (finish) today. [10¾ second pause] Also there was that vision of a white bird on flight for me. At last that big drop, black drop had been flying around. It came into my head.

AD: The black drop came into your head?

Mrs. Ybor (simultaneously): Yeah. It has been around me several days now. And finally, after I seen the bird, a big black drop finally reached my head. That is also thoughts-- (thoughts) [few words inaudible]

AD (faint): It was big black drop, huh?

Mrs. Ybor: It's been around for a long time. [9½ second pause] Like usually it's (not so good), oh, but it was a-- a rounded brilliant-- brilliant black flying around me.

AD: Was it black like tar?

Mrs. Ybor: It was shiny.

AD: Shiny black?

Mrs. Ybor: Shiny black.

AD: And that swallowed up that bird that was coming?

Mrs. Ybor: After the bird.

AD: After it swallowed the bird then it came into your head?

Mrs. Ybor: Oh no, it wasn't that it swallowed the bird, no.

AD: Oh, oh, ok, alright.

Mrs. Ybor: No, no. That was just a little black spot from heaven that came and took away my bird, and high above that in that black drop, rounded, round black drop was more or less the size of those red drops I had so many of, maybe a little bit larger but it was the same size, essentially the same, and the same shape round.

AD: And that came into your head.

Mrs. Ybor: Yeah. It had been around (me) for a long time.

AD: When it came into your head, what was the reaction, Mrs. Ybor, you remember?

Mrs. Ybor: I thought it was activities.

AD: Some kind of mental activity?

Mrs. Ybor: Yeah, I thought so. [9 second pause] But why that beautiful shape of that light? It was gorgeous. It reminded me somehow of that-- well, that goddess Kala, Kali came once for me and she had something like that but not the brilliant light, but also was rays shooting. Oh but these rays shot, they were really rays of white fire.

AD: They shot up?

Mrs. Ybor: And from-- and I stayed for a long time approaching my head. And when I approached, you know, I thought I was on fire, and he's up to the One. So I said, now I am completely united with the-- with the One. At the same time the One sent down also. [AD simultaneously: (The One.)] I had light from there and light from the One.

AD: Well there was like light coming both ways.

Mrs. Ybor: Yeah, both ways. And filled my body and-- [short pause] How long am I going to endure this?

[tape break]

Session 9: January 28th

Mrs. Ybor: Well, today we are January 28th. Dear me, this is a third meditation, it last almost two hours and a half. But now it's the beginning. There's hardly any beginning, I'm-- I'm lifted up almost immediately. One-- one with the spiritual void and it's-- And that in itself is a marvelous experience or feeling. I'm the tremendous void that is all spirit and I'm part of that spirit and I-- oh no, I want to start with it-- it's a marvelous fact also now. I start early in the morning with my breathing exercise. I try to rise up to-- I managed 10, count to 10 [couple words inaudible] And I stay up there. And after a while, I reach a 10 higher and higher in the void until I think I reached the One, because then the void-- the void and me and the universe is one. Up here already I reach just breathing up to 10 and holding higher and higher as high as I can breathe. Yeah. I feel already almost in the (reign) of God. Then-- then I-- that spirit, it's-- that-- that one is void and me, well that spirit lifts me up, up. Lifts me up higher and higher.

But soon, you know, the intense white light approaches on the left. Oh, and I'm frightened. I say "No, I'm reaching for-- I want to reach the pure spirit, the pure spirit itself, I want no light!" [AD: Uh-hm.] But it continued. And then those-- those beautiful wave lights, they're called the ancients, but now I'm afraid of them because they mean activity, they want to form these-- they want to form the (worlds/words). So I managed to keep it-- keep it off but it stayed there, all-- almost all during my meditation, that strong light close to my left side. But then reaching high, the deity came. I felt the presence of the holy one. And widening out to [one word inaudible] (the door). But a strange fact is repeated now. It is after my being identified with the holy one with which I can-- I can-- I'm perfectly quite aware of that holiness without any light, it's after my identifying the self with (that/yeah), that I'm lifted up still higher. That was after my identifying with the spirit which is just supreme stillness and holiness.

[Audio File 1982 0106c (formerly 1981 0725d) Ends]